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Friday, October 31st 2014.
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WWF Insurrextion 2000
by Scrooge McSuck

- From Earls Court in London, England, it’s another spectacular and exclusive UK event from the World Wrestling Federation. For those who never paid attention, these shows were usually pretty bad, for whatever reason. I blame it on abusing the fact UK fans eat up anything, or maybe it’s from jet lag. Or maybe all the wrestlers shoes were too tight, who cares, right? Also, the card is usually made up of what current feuds were going on at the time.

- Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on commentary duty tonight, so that’s a plus from some weird combinations from the past, like Michael Cole and Michael Hayes.

- Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty & Grandmaster Sexay) vs. Dean Malenko & Perry Saturn:
I forgot how over Too Cool are, and Rikishi isn’t even with them! Of course, it IS England, so they cheer for everyone, especially opening match participants. Malenko and Saturn were part of the “Radicalz”, but that group was splintering because of Eddie Guerrero’s relationship with Chyna, and Benoit was doing his own thing. Oh, and Malenko is the Light-Heavyweight Champion, as if anyone remembers. We see highlights from Backlash, where Malenko beat Scotty to retain the title. The heels attack before the bell, and Scotty gets dumped. Sexay ducks a clothesline and powerslams Saturn. Double clothesline-thing and double elbow drop from Too Cool. Irish whip is reversed, but the end result of a bunch of counters is a Saturn elbow to Scotty. Malenko tags in and gets a boot to the chest. Malenko blocks a hip toss and takes Scotty down with a Russian leg sweep. Irish whip and double back elbow to Scotty. Saturn nails GMS off the apron to prevent a tag, and the Radicalz put Scotty down with another double clothesline for a two count. Scotty counters an atomic drop and sends Malenko into Saturn. GMS comes in for a moment before being restrained by the referee. Shoving mach between the heels allows a roll up by Scotty on Malenko, but Saturn saves. Irish whip, and Scotty with a sunset flip for a two count. Malenko with a clothesline in the corner. Another attempt sees Scotty crotch Malenko on the top turnbuckle. Scotty to the top rope, and he connects with a super-plex! Both teams exchange tags, and GMS is a house of fire, with slams and hip tosses to both Radicalz. GMS with a double clothesline from the middle rope for a two count. Scotty comes back in for a wild finish. Scotty bulldogs Saturn, and you know what time it is… W-O-R-M! The heels run away briefly, but everone ends up back in the ring. Scotty whips Saturn into Malenko, and Malenko lands face-first on Saturn’s crotch. Scotty with a dropkick to Malenko, sending him out of the ring. GMS to the top rope, and he connects with the Hip Hop Drop on Saturn for the three count at 7:01. ** Decent enough match to open the show. Nothing spectacular, but it did it’s job of getting the crowd fired up and for the most part not sucking. Post-mattch, Saturn and Malenko have a little scuffle in the middle of the ring, but I think they made up eventually.

- Vince McMahon comes out to talk shit, hype the main event, and all the other usual crap he does to fill up time. A total waste of time to sit through, so I’ll just hit he old reliable fast forward button, instead.

- Kane (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Bull Buchanon:
Blech… Thanks to a very helpful flashback, about a month earlier on Raw, Buchanon and the Big Boss Man beat up on Kane and “broke” his hand. Funny, I don’t remember that going anywhere. In fact, I don’t remember seeing Kane do anything of note in between the X-Pac feud blow-off and his sudden involvement with the King of the Ring 2000 main event. I’m not sure, but I don’t think Paul Bearer was around much longer after this. They really need to have Kane’s old entrance again, with the pitch black in the crowd and just the red shadows over the ring. Anyway, Bull tries a sneak attack, but Kane no-sells, and sends Bull outside the ring. Kane hammers away and dumps Buchanon back in the ring. Irish whip, and Kane with a back body drop… but Bull blows the spot, trying to land on his feet, and does stuff. Kane continues to no-sell. Whip to the corner, but Bull jumps to the top rope and comes off with a sledge. Buchanon with a series of goofy leg drops for a two count. Kane no-sells in the corner and hammers away with more of the usual. Irish whip, and Kane with a big boot. Bull with a jaw breaker, but he leaps into the Kung-Fu grip of Kane. Chokeslam! Kane with the easy victory at 3:31. Not much of a match, but from what was here, Kane did nothing and Buchanon was as sloppy as fuck.

- Bradshaw (w/ Faarooq) vs. Road Dogg (w/ Tori):
Weird, not doing The Acolytes/APA vs. Road Dogg/X-Pac, but whatever. Road Dogg comes out to the Run-DMC version of D-X’s theme music. Remember THAT horrible CD? I think it might’ve been worse than the WWE Originals CD… okay, maybe not. That was pretty fucking awful. Road Dogg does his usual introduction. For those two of you who forgot, this Tori is not Torrie Wilson. She actually seemed like she knew how to throw a punch. Or a kick. Or look somewhat professional in the ring. Bradshaw attacks before the bell, but Tori uses herself as a distraction piece to buy Dogg more time o fight back. Bradshaw takes control again, and again goes after Tori. Road Dogg attacks from behind, but Faarooq joins in on the beating on Road Dogg, and gets ejected from ringside, rather than having Bradshaw Disqualified. Back in the ring… Bradshaw clubs Road Dogg across the back and drops an elbow for a two count. Whip to the corner, and Road Dogg sells it more than usual. Bradshaw with a suplex for a two count. The air-horn finally comes into play, for those who care. Bradshaw controls to dominate, working Road Dogg over in the corner, and follows with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Bradshaw applies the Torture rack, but Road Dogg fights free. Bradshaw boots him in his face for his troubles, but that only gets a two count. Irish whip to the corner, but Bradshaw runs into a boot. Road Dogg blocks a clothesline and takes Bradshaw down with a DDT. Bradshaw tries to go for a powerbomb, but Road Dogg escapes, and a dropkick sends the redneck out of the ring. Bradshaw hurries back in the ring and takes down Road Dogg with a spear/tackle. Irish whip, but Bradshaw misses a clothesline. Road Dogg with his jabs and signature roundhouse right, followed by a diving forearm. Shake Rattle and Roll knee drop by Road Dogg for a two count. Irish whip to he corner, but a charge misses, and the clothesline from hell doesn’t. Tori climbs on the apron, allowing a distracted Bradshaw to get rolled up, but only for a two count. Road Dogg with a pump handle slam, and that’s enough for the three count at 5:58! Wait a minute, didn’t these guys get the memo to half-ass it? **1/2 Surprisingly good match, even though the rating doesn’t seem like anything spectacular.

- Arm-Wrestling Contest between the Kat and Terri Runnels. Jerry Lawler is the judge and pervert representing the world in the ring. The Kat has Mae Young with her, and Terri has the Fabulous Moolah. The usual happens. A lot of stalling by the heel, then the face does it to spite them. The Kat wins, so Terri attacks, ripping off the straps of the Kat’s top. The Kat, never one to accept humiliation, uncovers her chest to give everyone another raging boner. I’d say they looked better than at Armageddon.

- Rikishi & The Big Show vs. The Dudley Boyz:
In what might be the most disturbing image of the year 2000, Big Show comes to the ring dressed up as Rikishi… yes, he’s SHOWKISHI! With matching thongs, too. Someone put a bullet in my head, now, god dammit! Highlights from Backlash, where the Dudley Boyz put Trish Stratus through a table. So… who’s the babyfaces here? D’Von attacks Show before the bell, but Show no-sells. Irish whip is reversed, and Show with a big boot. Show manhandles D’Von, doing nothing much of note. Whip to the corner, and Show follows in with a clothesline. Rikishi tags in, and they nail D’Von with a double headbutt. Buh-Buh Ray tags in, but runs into a Samoan Drop. D’Von tries a sunset flip, but that fails. Rikishi with a double noggin-knocker to the Dudleys. D’Von with a drop toe hold, and Buh-Buh drops a series of elbows. D’Von tags back in and takes Rikishi over with a snapmare. Rikishi continues to take a beating in he heels corner, but still nothing much of note is going on. Buh-Buh with a DDT, but Rikishi no-sells and kicks Buh-Buh in the jaw for a two count. Buh-Buh pulls Rikishi down by the hair to keep him playing the Face-in-Peril. Irish whip, and the Dudleys with a double shoulder block. D’Von with the “WASSUP” without the “Wassup” part. This match is pretty fucking boring. Irish whip, and Rikishi comes back with a double clothesline. Big Show gets the hot tag, and he cleans house, of course. Side suplex to Buh-Buh for a two count. Show squashes both Dudleys in the corner. Show with a stinkface to D’Von, and Rikishi with one to Buh-Buh… IN STEREO! Rikishi and Buh-Buh spill out of the ring, and Buh-Buh is looking for tables, of course. Show chokes D’Von in the corner, in the mean time. Buh Buh sneaks back in with a middle rope clothesline, but that only gets a two count. Edge and Christian run in for no reason… oh, Edge spears Buh-Buh Ray. Show with the Show-Stopper (Chokeslam), and that’s enough for the three count at 7:10. Post-Match, Too Cool comes out to make things right, and now everyone gets funky like a monkey. Oh my God, I can’ believe how cheesy this stuff is looking back on it. Buh-Buh Ray getting REALLY funky is a site to see. FAT MAN DANCE WAR! Tonight, on FOX! That alone makes up for this match sucking balls.

- Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle:
About a year before the match meant anything to most people. Benoit is sporting a black eye for the match, apparently because of a previous incident involving Angle. I don’t care enough to pay attention to the backstage segments. I don’t think anyone held a title at this point. Benoit and Jericho swapped it for about a weekend, so maybe it was this one where Benoit didn’t have it. Jim Ross confirms Benoit lost the IC Title to Jericho on the recent edition of Smackdown. For whatever reason, Crash Holly, the reigning Hardcore Champion, comes down to ringside to join the broadcast position. Benoit hammers away on Angle to start with a series of knife edge chops. Irish whip and Benoit puts Angle down with a forearm for a two count. Snap suplex by Benoit for another two count. Benoit works Angle over in the corner. Irish whip, and Benoit with a drop toe hold. Angle drops Benoit throat-first across the top rope. Irish whip is reversed, but Angle ducks a clothesline and rakes at the black eye of Benoit. Angle follows Benoit outside and continues hammering away on the injured eye of Benoit. Angle whips Benoit into the ring post. Back into the ring, and Angle pounds on Benoit in the corner with roundhouse rights. Benoit fights back with boots and forearms. Irish whip is reversed, and Angle takes Benoit down with an over-head belly-to-belly suplex for a two count. Angle with a snap suplex for another two count. Irish whip across the ring, and Angle flattens Benoit with a clothesline for a series of two counts. Benoit does the Bret Hart bump into the corner. Benoit gives Angle a taste of his own medicine, and connects with a series of German suplexes for a two count. Benoit an inside cradle for another two count. Irish whip to the corner, but Angle boots Benoit charging in. Angle tries a clothesline, but Benoit counters and applies the Crippler Crossface. Angle uses the referee to thumb Benoit’s eye. Benoit with a back suplex, and he heads to the top rope… the diving headbutt misses, as Angle rolls out of the way. Angle rakes the eyes of Benoit again. Benoit swings wildly at Angle, but Angle catches him in the Olympic Slam for the three count at 6:04. **1/2 Good enough match, but way too short. Angle was still developing at this point, obviously, but he used Benoit’s “injury” to set the standard for his offense, and it actually mattered in the finish. Smart booking, too, I guess.

- WWF Hardcore Championship Match:
Crash Holly © vs. The British Bulldog:

Quite a surprise for the live crowd. Davey Boy Smith had all but vanished from WWF television following the Royal Rumble, and this being his home country, you got to think the crowd still loves the guy. Crash tries to run, but the Bulldog cuts him off and rams Crash into everything but the kitchen sink. Bulldog hammers Crash up the entrance ramp and connects with his signature delayed suplex. Irish whip is reversed, sending the Bulldog into the ring steps. Into the ring they go, and Crash has some toys. Crash chokes Bulldog with a leather strap. Irish whip, and Crash rams Bulldog in the midsection with what looked like a broom handle. Crash rolls out of the ring to retrieve a chair. Irish whip is reversed, and it’s the DROP TOE HOLD ON CHAIR! Bulldog slams the chair onto Crash for good measure. Irish whip, and Bulldog whacks Crash in the midsection with those wooden poles. Whip to the corner, and Crash flops face first. Bulldog scoops Crash up, and the running powerslam is enough for the three count and the Hardcore Title at 3:37. The Bulldog went on to lose the title back to Crash Holly the next night on Monday Night Raw. The title was worthless, but this was Bulldog’s “last hurrah” in the big companies.

- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Edge & Christian © vs. The Hardy Boyz:

Before the match, we see footage of E&C earlier in he day ripping off fans for autographs and photos. To say the least, they were very entertaining. This is Round 60 out of 784 in the Hardys/E&C Wars. Edge and Christian only recently turned heel, after playing a tweener role for most of April. Jeff and Christian start, but not before Christian stalls. Oh wait, that’s Matt. Usually the one with really weird hair colors is Jeff, but Matt is rockin’ some blonde hair here. Christian with a pie face, so Matt slaps him. Irish whip is reversed, and Matt puts him down with a shoulder block. Criss-cross sequence, and Christian connects with a dropkick. Hip toss and armbar by Christian. Matt escapes and slams Christian down. Whip to the corner, and Christian works Matt over. Matt turns the tides and stomps a mudhole. Jeff tags in for the first time and they double stomp Christian. Edge tags in and runs in with a swinging neck breaker. Irish whip to the corner, and Jeff uses his momentum to send Edge out of the ring with a head scissors. Back in the ring, and Edge sends Jeff to the buckle. Whip to the corner, but Matt uses himself to block the momentum. Edge and Christian try the same, but with less than spectacular results. Matt tags in and quickly rolls Edge up for a two count. Christian tags in and chops away on Matt. Slug-fest! Matt wins that war. Jeff sweeps the legs from Christian and Matt comes off the middle rope with a leg drop. Poetry in Motion to both of the champions. Irish whip, and the action spills outside. Edge knocks Jeff off the apron, into the security railing, and Christian adds insult to injury by doing some more of the same. Back in the ring, and Edge covers Jeff for a two count. Scoop slam, and Christian comes in for a double headbutt for a two count. Irish whip, and Christian connects with a powerslam for another two count. Snapmare by Christian, and he applies a reverse chinlock. Jeff fights back, but Christian pulls him down by the hair (a bright red tonight). Front face-lock applied by Christian, and I think we all know the spot… false hot tag. Never mind, Edge comes in to help pull Jeff back into the middle of the ring. Irish whip, and Jeff avoids a dropkick. Roll-up for a two count, but Edge bridges up. Jeff counters a back slide attempt with a sunset flip for a two count, but Edge quickly puts him back down with a clothesline. Edge applies a front face-lock, and maybe now we’ll get the false hot tag spot. Yep, this time they pulled that one off. Christian comes in without a tag and works Jeff over like the bitch he is. Irish whip, and Jeff and Edge collide, mid-air on duel cross body attempts. Christian comes in to stomp on Jeff, so Matt comes off the top rope with an elbow drop on Edge, but that only gets a two count. Jeff with an unusual spinning kick to knock Edge off, and Matt finally gets the hot tag. Clotheslines to both men, followed by a series of neck breakers. Matt goes to the top rope, but Edge crotches him. Christian climbs up, and it’s a super-duper super-plex from E&C, but Jeff breaks the count at two. Irish whip, and Jeff manages to dropkick both opponents. Jeff clotheslines Edge out of the ring, and the Hardys with a double face plant on Christian for a two count. Suicide dive by Jeff onto Edge outside the ring! Twist of fate on Christian, followed by the Senton Bomb, but Edge uses the bell on the Hardys, drawing a Disqualification at 12:53. After the match, the Dudley Boyz come out to clean house of Edge and Christian. 3-D to Christian! Tables come into play, and Buh-Buh Ray powerbombs Edge through it from the middle rope for good measure. ***1/4 Match was pretty good, with minimal resting, but I knocked off a fraction of a star because of the lame, cop-out ending. I’m surprised they put on such a good match, considering how disappointed I was by some of their matches around this time frame (see: No Way Out).

- WWF European Championship Match:
Eddie Guerrero © (w/ Chyna) vs. Chris Jericho:

Highlights from last month (or the day after WrestleMania) shows Chyna turning on Jericho, costing him the European Title in a match with Guerrero. Jericho is the reigning Intercontinental Champion, but only Guerrero’s title is on the line, since Benoit was penciled in to win it back the next night on Raw, and because of a lame-ass coin toss ceremony. God, I miss Eddie. God, I don’t miss Chyna. God, I miss Jericho when his shtick wasn’t beaten into the ground. Slugfest to start, with Jericho coming out on top. Irish whip, and Jericho with a shoulder block. Criss-cross sequence leads to a monkey flip, and Jericho sends Eddie out of the ring with a clothesline. Eddie tries taking a walk, but Chyna threatens to beat him with her dick if he doesn’t get back in the ring. Jericho comes out to throw Eddie back in the ring. Irish whip, and Eddie with a powerslam for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Jericho uses Eddie’s momentum to leverage him up onto the buckle. Jericho with a clothesline for a two count. Snapmare, and Jericho applies a modified surfboard. Eddie powers up onto his feet, but Jericho maintains control with a series of chops. Eddie counters a suplex with an inside cradle for a two count. Jericho comes back with a delayed vertical suplex, followed by a cocky pin for only a one count. Reverse chinlock applied by Jericho. Eddie fights free with elbows to the midsection, but Jericho sends him out of the ring with a spinning heel kick. A game of cat-and-mouse® leads to a Chyna clothesline to Jericho. Back in the ring, and Jericho takes Eddie off the top with a super-plex. So much for Eddie’s heat segment. Irish whip to the corner, but Jericho misses a charge, and Eddie hammers on him like he stole his wallet. To the top rope, and Eddie with a beautiful hurricanrana, but that only gets a two count. Eddie with he Gory Special. Jericho escapes, leading to a series of pinfall counters. Eddie quickly puts Jericho down with a clothesline, though. Abdominal stretch applied by Guerrero. Jericho escapes, but Eddie pokes him in the eyes. Snapmare by Guerrero, followed by a face-rake with his boot. Irish whip is reversed, and Jericho presses Eddie up into the lights. Eddie with a sunset flip out of nowhere for a two count. Jericho with a forearm for a two count of his own. Eddie goes for the Gory Bomb… well, he actually keeps it on Jericho for a submission hold. Jericho escapes and counters into his own version of the hold. Eddie powers up onto Jericho’s shoulders, so Jericho drops him on his face for good measure. Jericho hammers on Eddie into the corner, but runs into a back elbow. Jericho with a boot to the chest and a running bulldog for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, but Jericho comes back with a diving forearm for a two count. Irish whip, and Eddie uses the momentum of his hurricanrana to take Jericho over the top rope, down to the floor. Inside the ring, and Chyna plants Jericho with a DDT while Eddie plays dead for the referee outside the ring. Eddie crawls back into the ring, but only gets a two count. Whip to the corner, but Jericho escapes a back suplex. Jericho with a powerbomb, followed by a second. I always loved that spot. Lionsault by Jericho, but Chyna has the referee distracted. Jericho springboard dropkicks her off the apron, but that allows Eddie the chance to cheat, nailing Jericho with the European Title, and making the cover for the three count at 12:56. *** Pretty good match again, with a lot of action and minimal resting. I’m also a little bit generous because they managed to build a long match without the typical, long, heel heat segment.

- WWF World Championship Match:
The Rock © vs. Triple H (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. Shane McMahon (w/ Vince McMahon):

I fucking hate triple threat matches, especially ones with non-wrestlers involved. For those who slept through all of 2000, the Rock and Triple H were fighting over the belt for most of the first half of the year, swapping it a few times. The previous week at Backlash, the Rock won the title despite interference from a bias referee in Shane McMahon, and with a little more than a little help from Steve Austin and Linda McMahon. Stephanie is looking quite bang-able here, by the way. Oh yeah, and she’s still carrying around the Women’s Championship. I’m sure a lot of people remember that. Trips’ water spitting seemed rather weak here. I guess he was out of practice, or something. Lots of trash talking from the Rock and the Game. Slugfest to start, with the Rock coming out on top. Shane intervenes, but he gets his clock cleaned, too. Trips hammers away now, but the Rock phantom boots Shane (who sells, anyway), and puts both men down with rights. The Rock sends Trips out with a roundhouse right, and Shane follows the same route. Rock follows outside, flooring Trips with a clothesline. Rocky then puts Lawler’s crown on Shane, and knocks him silly. Trips comes back, dropping the Rock chest-first across the security railing. Shane helps out in the working over process. Back in the ring, and Rock nails Shane with a clothesline, but Trips takes Rock down with his signature neck breaker. Trips with a series of elbows across the throat of the Rock, followed by a series of right. Back in the ring, and Trips stomps a mudhole in the Rock’s ass. Shane takes advantage of a beat up Rock, and now in an entertaining spot, Trips does Shane’s signature dancing around. The Rock comes back with clotheslines to both men, and now he’s doing it. To add insult to injury, he nails them both a bionic elbows! Trips comes back with a face buster, and Shane with a clothesline allows Trips to cover for a two count. The Rock gets choked by everyone possible. Suplex by Triple H, and Shane comes off the middle rope with an elbow drop. Trips measures the Rock up with his signature knee drop, but that only gets a series of two counts. Irish whip, and Trips applies a sleeper hold. Cute spot, as the Rock manages to trap Shane in a sleeper hold while being in the hold applied by Trips. Rocky comes back with a series of rights on Triple H. Irish whip is reversed, and Trips nails the Rock with a running high knee and clothesline for a two count, broken up by Shane. Shane tries to claim it was an accident, but Trips is pissed. Shove by Trips, so Shane nails him from behind. Triple H moves out of the way of a moonsault, and now the Rock is back on his feet and cleans house of both men. The Rock has Shane covered, but Stephanie distracts the referee. Shane tries a pedigree on the Rock, but he can’t pick him up for it. The Rock with a double leg sweep, and a sling shot leads to a referee bump. Then Trips is added to the corner pile. Irish whip is reversed, and Vince trips the Rock up. Trips with the Women’s Title, and he blasts the Rock with it, but there’s no referee to count. Vince calls for… Gerald Brisco to count the fall, but the Rock kicks out at two. Shane with a steel chair, but he accidentally nails Trips, who takes I like a man. Shane gets dumped by the Rock, and now Vince gets in the ring. Vince has the chair, but he chickens out when the Rock gets up in his face. Trips with a low blow, kick-wham-pedigree, but the Rock kicks out at two! Trips nails Brisco for whatever reason. Pedigree attempt #2 connects, but this ime there’s no referee, so Vince pulls the shirt off Brisco, puts it on to count, but Earl Hebner makes the surprise run in and pulls Vince out of the ring. Vince tries to nail him, but he punches the ring post by mistake. Trips goes to the top rope, but Shane accidentally… maybe, crotches him across the top turnbuckle. Vince chases Hebner around and into the ring, until the Rock catches him with a Rock Bottom! Rock knocks rips off the top rope, to the floor. Spinebuster by the Rock on Shane, and it’s Peoples Elbow time! That’s enough for the three count at 14:17. *** Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you. Here’s a good example of “good” over-booking. It didn’t include non-sensical run ins from people not involved with the feud, the match was kept reasonably short for a main event, only had one minor rest period, and there was plenty of cute spots.

Final Thoughts: The WWF was on a serious role in 2000, to the point that a UK Exclusive PPV was pretty damn good. Sure, nothing was classic or really memorable, but the three high profile matches delivered, the undercard featured plenty of stars to keep the fans happy, and nothing was out-right bad. I’d say this is easily the best UK PPV the WWF ever put on, but that wouldn’t be saying much considering some of it’s competition.

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