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GCW: Joey Janela's Spring Break 8- April 5, 2024

by Doc Allen

Live from Penns Landing Caterers (yes, really) in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Theres a robust crowd of superfans in town for Wrestlemania. Dave Prazak and Veda Scott are on commentary.

In memory of Mike "Virgil" Jones.

JCW World Champion Masha Slamovich and GCW Ultraviolent Champion Rina Yamashita vs. Masato Tanaka and Minoru Suzuki

The fans like everyone at the opening bell. Tanaka takes Rina seriously in the opening exchange. Quick tags lead to Masha and Suzuki gleefully trading strong style blows. Suzuki delivers a particularly brutal KO shot, earning some boos. Tanaka tags in and goes to work on Mashas arm. The match quickly breaks down into ringside brawling. Order is restored with Masha stuck in enemy territory. Eventually Rina gets the hot tag and runs wild until getting lured into another strikefest with Suzuki. Rina flips double birds only for Suzuki to grab her by the fingers and feed her to Tanaka for a superplex. Rina reverses a second superplex, and stumbles into a reverse piledriver! Masha returns with a spin kick for 2. Rina and Masha hit a double Ganso bomb but Tanaka kicks out! The ladies try a tandem Razors Edge, Suzuki breaks it up. Suzuki suplexes Masha through the propped door for another nearfall. Masha counters with a crucifix pin for the sudden pinfall at 13:51! They brutalized each other for almost 14 minutes and then went home without warning, ***.
Winners: Masha Slamovich and Rina Yamashita

The ladies keep taunting afterwards, Suzuki considers bringing in a waiting room chair to do something about it.

JCW World Champion Masha Slamovich and GCW Ultraviolent Champion Rina Yamashita vs. Masato Tanaka and Minoru Suzuki

The fans like everyone at the opening bell. Tanaka takes Rina seriously in the opening exchange. Quick tags lead to Masha and Suzuki gleefully trading strong style blows. Suzuki delivers a particularly brutal KO shot, earning some boos. Tanaka tags in and goes to work on Masha's arm. The match quickly breaks down into ringside brawling. Order is restored with Masha stuck in enemy territory. Eventually Rina gets the hot tag and runs wild until getting lured into another strikefest with Suzuki. Rina flips double birds only for Suzuki to grab her by the fingers and feed her to Tanaka for a superplex. Rina reverses a second superplex, and stumbles into a reverse piledriver! Masha returns with a spin kick for 2. Rina and Masha hit a double Ganso bomb but Tanaka kicks out! The ladies try a tandem Razor's Edge, Suzuki breaks it up. Suzuki suplexes Masha through the propped door for another nearfall. Masha counters with a crucifix pin for the sudden pinfall at 13:51! They brutalized each other for almost 14 minutes and then went home without warning, ***.
Winners: Masha Slamovich and Rina Yamashita

The ladies keep taunting afterwards, Suzuki considers bringing in a waiting room chair to do something about it.

The Rock N Roll Express (Robert Gibson, Ricky Morton, and Kerry Morton) vs. The East West Express (Jordan Oliver, Nick Wayne, and Mike Bailey)

The fans love Gibson and Morton Sr., but jeer Kerry when he cuts a profane promo claiming to be a good guy. Ricky and Robert aren't impressed with Kerry's attitude and let him get triple teamed at the opening bell. Bailey hits a standing SSP for 2. Kerry rakes Jordan's eyes, Ricky isn't impressed but accepts a tag anyway. Wayne and Ricky try to have a clean contest, but Kerry interferes with a knee to the spine. The fans sing a NSFW chant at Kerry while he goes to work on Nick. Ricky refuses a tag from his boy and Nick saves himself with a running uppercut. Bailey and Jordan share the hot tag and take Kerry to school with rapid attacks. Kerry shoves the ref into Jordan and Bailey to stop a top rope attack, and Ricky finally loses his temper and slugs Kerry. Ricky still wants to win and hits the Canadian Destroyer on Wayne. Ricky then hits a tope and earns a GCW chant. Ricky and Kerry get back on the same page for double dropkicks. Oliver and Wayne recover with double Cloud Cutters on Ricky to win at 9:27. Gibson never tagged in, making me wonder if he's ok. Interesting match built around the dysfunctional Morton family dynamics, ***.
Winners: The East West Express

Dragon Gate Classic (YAMATO, Dragon Kid, and Kzy) vs. Reiwa New Generation (Ben-K, Kota Minoura, and Shun Skywalker)

The traditional ‘Mania weekend Dragon Gate trios match returns! YAMATO and Ben-K start with aggressive chain wrestling. A stalemate leads to Minoura and Kzy taking their turn for a more fast paced exchange. Fans chant "Dragon Gate" while Skywalker tangles with Dragon Kid. Dragon Kid flips into a chinbreaker. Skywalker's partners interfere and Dragon Kid gets stuck in their corner. Minoura arrogantly displays his strength by swinging Dragon Kid around in a gutwrench position before hitting a suplex. RNG brutalize Dragon Kid's spine. YAMATO gets the hot tag and piles RNG for a shotgun dropkick. Kry helps with a plancha. YAMATO throws Minoura for 2. Minoura counters with a wild overhead suplex, YAMATO pops up for a slugfest. BRUTAL knee strike by YAMATO removes Minoura. Dragon Kid nails a super rana, setting up Kzy's frog splash, Skywalker saves the match! Skywalker monkey flips Kzy into his own partners. Skywalker hits a sitout powerbomb, Kzy no-sells for a slugfest. Skywalker hits a nasty German suplex, Kzy pops up for a mean lariat! Minoura spears Kzy, but YAMATO takes him out in the post. The match totally breaks down with guys hitting snug drive by attacks. In the chaos, Kzy uppercuts Minoura into Dragon Kid's crucifix bomb for the pinfall at 13:55! Really cool exhibition match, but a far cry from the classic Dragon Gate trios matches of the mid 00's, ***½.
Winners: Dragon Gate Classic

Grab the Brass Ring Ladder Match:

Cole Radrick vs. Myron Reed vs. Arez vs. Aigle Blanc vs. Mr. Danger vs. Leon Slater vs. Marcus Mathers vs. Alec Price
Winner gets to pick any match of their choosing. I wonder if that includes challenging Roman on Sunday. No participants were announced beforehand, so everyone is a surprise entrant. I hope this doesn't mean that some heel shows up at the very end to steal the win. GCW isn't above screwy finishes. Anyways, match starts typically with everyone spilling to ringside. Radrick and Blanc have a chair duel until Cole hits a step up splash into the corner. Mathers interrupts with a Van Daminator. They move on to the portion where guys take turns taking naps at ringside and storming in to hit high spots. Just about everything they do looks really cool, but you've seen it all before. Price gets carried away spinning the ladder around and everyone goes down. Microman arrives late and brings in a tiny ladder to spin around and hit Price in the groin. Everyone tries to pile onto Microman but he shakes them away. Mathers props the tiny ladder, but Microman sends him into it with a drop toe hold. Microman headbutts Mathers' groin and hits a Vader Bomb. Price drops Microman with a big boot, Microman answers with a headscissors takedown. Tiger Fade Kick by Microman! Price responds with a rebound (looooow) lariat. Price tries to climb, Arez interrupts with a nifty springboard cutter. Mathers hits Arez with an Air Raid Crash into a chair. They shift into guys teasing victory before getting knocked over and taking stunt bumps. Cool stuff, but you've seen it all. Wel, maybe not Slater's Swanton 450, but you get the point. They shift again to hitting insane dives into the front row. Slater and Mr. Danger foolishly climb a ringside ladder, with Reed getting pushed into everyone. Mr. Danger hits a BONKERS moonsault off of the ladder! Fans chant "holy sh!t!" Mr. Danger looks poised to win but Cole climbs up and wins a slugfest. Cole gets the brass ring at 17:02! This didn't stray far from the MITB formula, and it's unfortunate how numb I've become to these physically punishing stunt shows. They did manage to hit a nice crescendo with the dives leading to Mr. Danger's potentially star-making moonsault, and it played into the finish of Radrick dispatching him to win, ***¾.
Winner: Cole Radrick

Deathmatch Royalty arrive in style. Matt Cardona and Steph De Lander are rolled in dressed like the Macho King and Queen, and sitting on thrones as if they're Triple H and Stephanie. This sort of camp is what we all really paid to see. De Lander is upset that they're in the worst city in America. Cardona is mad that he was just featured on TNA and AEW, and now he's stuck in GCW instead of Wrestlemania.

Matt Cardona (with DeathMatch Royalty) vs. Blue Pain

Blue Pain is a Kane cosplayer, so after 12 long years, Cardona finally might get his revenge after getting launched off a stage in a wheelchair. Blue Pain enters to a rock cover of "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" and snowfall. Fans offer an ironic "holy sh!t" chant. Cardona acts scared and immediately retreats. Blue Pain manages a big boot, Cardona escapes the chokeslam. Blue Pain bonks De Lander and Broski Jimmy into each other and pursues Cardona into the crowd. Blue Pain sets up a table, but Cardona tampers with his mask. Cardona knocks a fan into the camera man but collapses into a wheelchair. History nearly repeats itself, but Broski Jimmy sacrifices himself and gets launched from the stage! Blue Pain prepares a flying clothesline, but De Lander's distraction allows a Broski Boot. Deathmatch Royalty hit a double DDT but Blue Pain kicks out. Cardona gets an urn but inadvertently bonks Steph in the forehead. Blue Pain rallies and hits the flying clothesline for only 2. Chokeslam by Blue Pain, but Steph pulls the ref away from the likely pinfall. Blue Pain grabs Steph by the hair, but Cardona saves with chair shots and Radio Silence. The ref is still down. Zack Ryder's music hits and out comes a cosplayer. Fake Ryder counts 2 and stops to flip Cardona the bird. Fake Ryder swerves and hits a low blow on Blue Pain. They celebrate with Whoo Whoo Whoo, but Blue Pain stands up for double chokeslams. Blue Pain blocks Steph's chair shot and hits a chokeslam. Broski Jimmy returns in a neck brace and throws a fire ball into Blue Pain's face! Deathmatch Royalty pigpile Blue Pain for the pinfall at 9:01! Cardona finishes his story!!! This was five star stupidity.
Winner: Matt Cardona

Gringo Loco vs. The Amazing Red

Did you know The Amazing Red is 41 years old now? How's that feel? Bell rings, they shake hands. They trade some friendly holds until Gringo flips away from a break. Red flips over Gringo's back for a staredown. They restart by running the ropes until Gringo cowers from Red's kick tease. They shake hands again, this time Gringo cheap shots, but Red recovers with a head scissors and flying rana to ringside. Red hits a tope but Gringo spins him around into a chair. Gringo comes back with a standing moonsault for 2. Red kicks out of a side slam for a mild pop. Red rallies but can't put Gringo away with a spinning DDT. Red tries an electric chair but Gringo reverses into a sitout powerbomb! Red blocks a superplex and nails a flying DDT for only 2. Gringo blocks Code Red and throws Red into the buckles. Gringo hits a flying sunset flip but Red kicks out. Red reverses a powerbomb into a snapping rana for 2. Gringo responds with a major Spanish Fly for a good false finish. Red surprises Gringo with an AVALANCHE POISON RANA! Flying double stomp by Red, then a frog splash! Code Red finishes Gringo at 16:00! They aimed much higher than I expected, Red turned back the clock and delivered an exciting underdog cruiserweight performance straight out of 2002. ***½.
Winner: The Amazing Red

"I Quit" Match:
Effy vs. Mance Warner

Warner starts with an aggressive assault. Effy answers with a German suplex and running big boots. Rough Ryder, TKO, and Dragon Sleeper by Effy, but Mance won't quit. Effy hits a spear and takes time to bring in some plunder. Mance takes more chair shots than I can count, but answers with some headbutts and a spinebuster through a standing chair! Mance leaps off a chair and hits a spinning DDT through a door! Effy won't quit, so Mance unleashes more chair shots. Effy responds with a Blockbuster and powerbomb through a door! Effy hits a piledriver onto a pile of chairs, but Mance soon counters with a powerbomb onto the chairs. Warner whips Effy with his belt, but Effy declares he'll never quit, and takes away the belt to return the favor. Effy builds a door bridge, wraps the belt around Mance's neck, but Mance reverses into a powerbomb of sorts through the door. Effy is too full of hatred to quit and plants Mance onto the ring frame. Effy builds a new door bridge at ringside but Mance reverses with a chokeslam! Effy still won't quit and smashes a broken door over Mance's carcass. They exchange head butts with low blows and meet on their knees for an exhausted fight. Mance grabs a screwdriver for attacks to the head. Effy is busted open and gets zip tied to the ropes. Mance throws chairs into Effy's unprotected skull. Allie Katch runs in with a drill, but Warner disarms her. If Effy won't quit, Mance will drill a hole through Allie's skull. Effy quits at 21:42 in order to save his friend. I half expected Allie to turn on Effy, but instead they went with a logical finish that protects Effy while putting Mance over as a nefarious villain, ****.
Winner: Mance Warner

Ramhausen (Danhausen and Ram Kaicho) vs. Maki Death Kill (Nick Gage and Maki Itoh, with Billy Donovan)

Danhausen is very nice and very evil, but Gage and Itoh are just plain evil. Gage lets Itoh start against Danhausen, and she instantly gets cursed. Itoh resists the curse and flips the bird to an ironic "holy sh!t" chant. Danhauen grabs a headlock, and copies Itoh's lazy dropping headbutt. Fans are upset. Itoh gets fired up and hits her own falling headbutt for 2. Ram tags in and blows dust into Itoh's face. Ram plays voodoo by strangling a baby doll, forcing Itoh to collapse. Itoh takes away the doll to smash against Ram. Gage finally tags in and wipes Ram out with clotheslines. Snap suplex by Gage gets 2, Ram reverses into a DDT. Lukewarm tag to Danhausen, who plows through Gage with mostly cartoonish attacks. Atomic drop on Itoh, but Gage trips Danhausen and suplexes him over a waiting room chair. Itoh helps with a tornado DDT on Danhausen while Gage props up a door. Gage grabs a pizza cutter, but Ram throws dust in his eyes and hits a shotgun dropkick through the door! Danhausen taps into his evil side and slices Itoh with the pizza cutter. Ram continues slicing Itoh's bloody forehead, Danhausen pours teeth into her mouth. Ah, the crazy things I'm forced to type while recapping wrestling matches. Itoh saves herself with a backbreaker on Ram, Gage spears Danhausen through another door. MDK hit stereo DDTs and falling headbutts, resulting in a double pinfall at 12:57. This was a total mishmash of cartoon antics and graphic violence. Very fun, very pointless, **¼.
Winners: Maki Death Kill

GCW World Championship:
Blake Christian © (with Shane Mercer) vs. Joey Janela (with Missy Hyatt)

I don't want to even begin to imagine what kind of mayhem Janela and Missy would get into should he win the title, so for Philadelphia's sake, I kind of hope Blake retains. Also, let's be honest, Janela is the heart of GCW and doesn't need the belt. Bell rings, they aggressively lock up. Blake snaps Janela's neck on the ropes and poses while applying a side headlock. Janela escapes and hits a pair of hip tosses and a big back body drop. Blake kips up for an enziguri, then a spear on the ring frame. Blake prepares a dive, but Janela swings a door into his face. Blake tries again, this time driving the door into Janela! Suplex by Blake, who then stands on Joey's hair while stretching his arms. Joey escapes but runs into a dropkick. Joey escapes a headlock, but Blake throws him outside. Mercer helps by driving Joey into the post. Blake hits a leg drop over a chair and continues dictating the pace with deliberate offense. Joey finds his second wind for a comeback, hitting a brainbuster for 2. Blake answers with a springboard uppercut, Joey kicks out. They duke it out on their knees and collide with stereo clothesline attempts. Janela revives first, builds a door bridge, but Blake hits a suplex on the ring frame. Joey hits a backdrop to outside and nails a top rope moonsault onto both Blake and Mercer! Joey nails a pair of snap German suplexes! DVD by Janela, but Blake kicks out! Blake answers with a standing Spanish Fly and springboard 450, but Joey somewhat amusingly kicks out. Blake hits a plancha to ringside, then an immediate elbow drop. Janela blocks a frog splash and nails a package piledriver, but BLAKE KICKS OUT! Blake hits a moonsault, Joey botches the counter. Blake hits a back handspring kick, Joey responds with a powerbomb. They trade superkicks, Joey collapses onto Blake for a nice nearfall. Joey sticks Blake's head into a chair, but Mercer grabs his ankle. This allows Blake to hit a spinebuster through the chair! Blake hits a step up curb stomp but Joey kicks out… again. I'm not going to lie, with 27 minutes gone, I'm ready for this to end. Mercer and Blake build a door bridge, Missy tries a distraction. Mercer grabs Missy, Janela rescues her, but falls to the numbers game. Mercer tries a fallaway slam through the door, but Janela tosses him through an outside door bridge! Blake rolls Joey under the other door bridge, climbs the ropes, but Janela pops up for a superplex! Blake kicks out! Janela hits a flying double stomp through a broken door for a painfully close nearfall. Blake reverses a DVD into a DDT. They brawl back to their feet, Missy grabs Blake's boot, but gets hauled into the ring. Janela hits a rolling elbow to Blake's skull, Missy then turns on Joey with a Gucci bag shot! Blake curb stomps Joey into the purse and wins at 33:20. This was an awfully long match for that crummy finish. I guess the city of Philadelphia is safe and sound since Janela is down and out. They tried hard, but this mostly felt like an arbitrary exchange of nearfalls, some were very exciting, others felt dull and desperate. Overall, this was a long winded and kind of a downer to end the evening, **¾.
Winner and still GCW World Champion: Blake Christian

Final Thoughts: There was a lot of excitement in the air and much to like on this show, but the flat ending really hurts. Effy vs. Mance would have been a far better choice for the main event slot. Hopefully this doesn't end up being GCW's biggest show of 2024. Mild recommendation, mostly for the "I Quit" match.

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